Hump Day: Random Thoughts- July 2, 2008

Hey what do you know, we're only a couple of weeks away from the starting of NFL training camps. As you all know, this is the most boring part of the NFL season, where media outlets try to report any pertinent information.

Hell, I'm so desperate, I devoted a whole post to NCAA 09. Come on, you can't tell me you're not excited about it one bit! (FYI: The Zeppelin World Tour petition has 16,000 signatures. So keep signing up.)

This is boring! At this point, I'm willing to take any good piece of news. Maybe a Shockey trade rumor. Maybe a Terrell Owens incident. Hell, I'd settle for some Tony Romo rumors from US Weekly or People Magazine.

Do we really want to know who coaches think is the smartest non-QB player in the NFL, or the Dirtiest player? Why don't we go ahead and ask the question, Who has the best hair? Who is the biggest headache to deal with? And my personal favorite, who is their least favorite sports writer?

So how about this NFL rookie cap? Sounds like some crazy stuff, eh? I've developed a three step plan to make as much as much money as Matt Ryan.

1. Get in shape
   
   
2. Learn an NFL playbook
   
   
3. Profit (You figure out how to get from step two to step three.)
   

Just follow those three steps and Gene Upshaw will fight to make sure you get the most out of your guaranteed money.

Speaking of guaranteed money, it's good to see Matt Ryan pick up what Commissioner Goodell is laying down. Thank goodness Ryan understands! I was worried sick that the money would turn him into the illegitimate child of the Monopoly Guy. Damn it Ryan, you can take Park Place and Marvin Gardens, but you'll never take the Pennsylvania Railroad from me!

So the Kansas City Chiefs have a rule in place that bars standing at games in Arrowhead Stadium. That's all fine and everything, but what happens to people who get stuck behind Yao Ming at the game? This rule is dumb. There is also a text message system in place to rat out any person that decides to be a hooligan and actually have the nerve to stand. ZOMG!

Our long National Nightmare is over, the 2008 NFL Record & Fact Book was recently released. The book contains statistics, histories of teams and even some rules for you to chew on. There are some things you'll never see in the book. Like:

• How many commercial deals Peyton Manning gets in a year...
  
  
• How many horrible outfits Clinton Portis keeps in his closet...
  
  
• The number of suits Mike Nolan wears to bed...
  
  
• The number of Vizios that are in LaDainian Tomlinson's home...

Thanks for playing along guys.